As a novice to this, I can't say how much I am enjoying MJ, even to the extent that yesterday I hardly did anything else!
Whilst downloading and listening to recent downloads on MJ (GOT THEM SORTED INTO CATEGORIES TO SUIT MY MOOD BY THE WAY LISE, THANKS FOR THE TIP!
) I came across some jokes which I would like to share. (Please laugh!)
* * *
John and Lorraine had been dating each other for years and were getting bored of each other. They became like a married couple, nagging and sarcasm in all their conversations. One day John met a girl named Cleary. She was pretty, smart and funny and John longed to break up with Lorraine and date Cleary but he couldn't. Then one day Lorraine was walking along the side of a river when she fell in and drowned. When John heard the news he was so happy he sang "I can see Cleary now, Lorraine is gone!"
* * *
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that thenew program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software,severely limiting access to wardrobe, flowers and jewel applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0
No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. Inaddition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3 and Opera Night 6.1 and installs new undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run Diaper Changing 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6. I've tried Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please!!!
Thank you, Jane
Dear Jane,
This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to aprimary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boy Friend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boy Friend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 andreturn to Boy Friend 5.0 because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this.
Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boy Friend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old time" favourite applications or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boy Friend 6.0 or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual
under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly and comes bundled with Heart Break 1.3. I recommend you keepHusband 1.0 and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entiresection regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs) This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0 secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility and ALL faults and problems regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
Sometime Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
"TECH TIP!'"
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\>II APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 or worse yet, Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Fat Belly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble
by following this tech tip! Just remember, the system will run smoothly and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all applications Boy Friend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use Husband 1.0 will become familiar
and you will find many valuable embedded features such as Fixes Broken Things 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and Best Friend 7.6.
A final word of caution DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother In Law 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until Mother In Law 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy the product!
* *
Anyone got better ones?
Molly
Author
Topic: Funnies ... that MIGHT make you go ... Oh NO .... (Read 1070 times)