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[Charlemagne 8]

Slow night. Not the best build. Time for a joke.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
   1)  No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
   2)  When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
   3)  If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
   4)  Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
   5)  You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
   6)  Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
   7)  Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
     You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
   9)  Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
   10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
 
   GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
   1)  Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
   2)  Wrinkles don't hurt.
   3)  Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
   4)  Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
   5)  Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
   6)  Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the  toy.
 
   GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
   1)  Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
   2)  Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
   3)  When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
   4)  You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
   that you once got from a roller coaster.
   5)  It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you    the questions.
   6)  Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
   7)  Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
 
   THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
   1)  You believe in Santa Claus.
   2)  You don't believe in Santa Claus.
   3)  You are Santa Claus.
   4)  You look like Santa Claus.


I guess this is stage one:

[KingSparta]

>> Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time
I can relate

>> When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
hehe

[Charlemagne 8]

There's more:

National Parks and Forests Departments are advising all hikers,
hunters and fishermen to be on the alert for bears while visiting the
National Parks and Forests.
They are advising visitors to wear noise-producing devices such as
little bells on their clothing to alert, but not startle the bears unexpectedly.

In addition, they advise carrying pepper spray in the event of an
actual encounter.
It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity.
Visitors should be trained to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly
bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and
possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them
and smell a lot like pepper spray.

[Doof]

Here's a lesson I learned as a young adult.

If you have really really long hair, don't use a Dust Buster AT ALL.

[Charlemagne 8]

Ironically, hair dryers can also be hazardous.

[Harry|PLS|the|PLS|Hipster]

Testimonial.

HTH

Before using Dustbuster:



After using Dustbuster:

[gvag]

This thread reminds me of a couple of books I read in my youth
"I've Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me"
and
"Sometimes a Great Notion"

Thanks!

Listening to: 'How Can You Lose' from 'Smack Up' by 'Art Pepper' on Media Jukebox
next up
'Maybe Next Year' from 'Smack Up' by 'Art Pepper'

Cheers.

[Harry The Hipster]

gvag:

Have you read 'Straight Life'?

HTH

Listening to 'Solar' - Frank Morgan and Bud Shank

[tullio]

The Dead Horse The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. In modern education, business and Government, present-day cutting-edge wisdom dictates a wide range of far more advanced strategies, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Reclassifying the dead horse as "living-impaired."
8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed.
10. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
13. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
14. Promoting the dead horse to  tenure, supervisory position, or CEO.

(open ended list--to be continued)

[gvag]

HTH -

No.  Is that Laurie Pepper's biography of Art?  How sweetly sad.

Listening to: 'If I Should Lose You (Take 2 - Alternate)' from 'Groove Yard' by 'Wes Montgomery' on Media Jukebox

[Scronch]

There are many of these, but these are a few of my favorites...

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm