Panic Over People
I found the solution.
For those who need to know and are stupid like me :-
First open the action window (usually in the bottom left)
select the tag option
at the top left of this little window is a funny little button reresented by a few horizontal lines - click this and move mouse to "also show" - then scroll down to "use bookmarking" - make sure this is ticked
the use bookmarking setting should now show in the tag section
Select the file you want to change (or multi select files)
click on the "use bookmarking" setting and a little dropdown menu should appear
click on the arrow at the right of this and select "no"
all the files you selected previously should now be set to, not using bookmarks and when you stop them, they will start from the beginning next time, without pressing stop twice.
hope this helps anyone who has problems like me, following instructions that are written by someone who know what they are talking about (without whom we would be totally lost)
cheers