if i set up server client do i have htpc or work station watching the folders.
at the moment the work station watches these and they are mapped.
So if your HTPC is designated as the server, it would be the one "watching" the mapped drives. To not get confused, mapping to me is in reference to a Network drive letter which would be visible to
ALL PCs on the network in Windows Explorer -- it could be a local drive on one of the machines say D:\ and this is mapped to z:\ (could also be UNC paths too). It could be a drive(s) on a NAS, an external USB drive connected to your Router etc.
Your work station is not watching these files, as it is loading a virtual copy of the HTPCs library, right? Actually unless you choose to have a separate library for local content on the work station (say mp3s for your portable devices) which would then be "watched" in your import settings, the import settings are not important (actually they
shouldn't be watching what the server is importing from "its local" library.
"Main" (which IMO is confusing) is the default
local library. On the client computer you would want it to load "htpc's library" and not the local one. Generally, you would be loading "Main" for the HTPC (if you choose it to be the PC running in server mode)
Again, the machine you choose to be the server depends on what is best for you, as there are a few things that have to be done only on the server (most can be done remotely; ripping can cause issues for some people that rip through JRiver as an example). The choice might depend on where the ilfes are physically located too (eg. if there is no NAS or external drives available on the network, and are actually inside of one of the machines, then that machine probably would be the server)
Also with the backups done keep all the htpc server settings?
yes. Bear in mind, if you mean settings like views which are global, these will be loaded onto the work station. Tag information also will be preserved. However "settings" for audio playback are based on zones ... you can see and control zones from the client to the server (there is an option to show these tyhat you have to check). BUT the playback zones on the Work Station client are of course separate as you are not using the same playback device(s) -- one might be using your main stereo, the other just small PC speakers for example. To back up the playback setting for the server; load the local library (Main) and back this up. You don't have to do that very often as it doesn't change and would take only a couple of minutes to reset it manually. The automatic one is usually enough. The main library and Views associated to is could represent a LOT of work to rebuild. I run and archive my "server" backups manually often after I spend a lot of time tagging newly imported stuff.
Anyway I would first choose whether your work station or HTPC is the server or not. Remember if the HTPC is chosen as the client, not the media server, and your husband modifies views, they wil not be permanent changes (his EQs will be, though as they are done in local zones).
Hope this helps. If you need further info to make the choice, post back where the media files are physically stored, and I could give you more feedback, but it depends on a lot of criteria like who is doing the admin and where for example