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Author Topic: OT to the Max: Cow Humor  (Read 1525 times)

xen-uno

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OT to the Max: Cow Humor
« on: November 04, 2002, 03:06:53 pm »

Be forewarned, it's a bit racey (but all in good fun :D)

Cows

DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up; you sell.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
You produce your 10th 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
At night when no one is looking you have sex with both of them.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
You have a contest and everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to operate the voting machine.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state decide which is the best-looking.

NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

JimH

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Re: OT to the Max: Cow Humor
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2002, 03:29:25 pm »

I think Italy is a nice place.
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Scronch

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Re: OT to the Max: Cow Humor
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2002, 03:29:54 pm »

PITTSBURGH-ITE:
You have one cow.
It is nicknamed 'da bus'.
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xen-uno

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Re: OT to the Max: Cow Humor
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2002, 03:37:31 pm »

Ah..hem

It is Steeler-ite

Don't you have a game to watch?

Scronch

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Re: OT to the Max: Cow Humor
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2002, 10:15:42 pm »

DOLPHIN-ITE:
You have 5 cows.
They have no QB to protect.
Even if they did, they couldn't.
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Cmagic

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Re: OT to the Max: Cow Humor
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2002, 11:52:13 pm »

:D, one more,

MICROSOFT You have two cows. You make a deal with dairies to buy no one's milk but yours. Unable to sell milk, the other cow owners sell cheese. You give away cheese to drive them out of business. When you control dairyland you charge a royalty on every cheeseburger and grilled cheese sandwich sold in the world.

plus many more here -> http://www.radisol.com/cows/

must go on strike now...  :D
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Until the color of a man's skin is of no more significance
than the color of his eyes.
Bob Marley (War)

zevele10

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Re: OT to the Max: Cow Humor
« Reply #6 on: November 06, 2002, 04:59:35 am »

Israe-like

You have 2 cows.You go to the bank,they give you an overdraft on the milk you may/will sell.

With the money you travel to USA. First you visit churchs supporting  Israel,and they give you a cow. When you have a few hundreds cows,it is time to visit jewish communauties. They give you money to built a farm.

Of cause the expression "holy cow!' cames from my storie...
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Scronch

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Re: OT to the Max: Cow Humor
« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2002, 12:58:19 am »

DEMOCRAT 2002:
You have 49 big cows and 211 little cows.
A big elephant takes 2 of your big cows,
and 5 or 6 of your little cows.
Your remaining cows go on CNN and moo sadly,
chanting in unison how bad this will be for the elephant.
Then they slaughter your biggest cow.
But he rises from the hamburger in 2004,
only to be smothered by elephant dung.
You swear off of beef, and onto Greens.
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