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[Xenno]

This is pretty good.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm.  The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues via the internet, which is of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.  I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell. then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "....that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you." And take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only "A" given.

[Xenno]

One more and I'll chill

This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
>"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
>"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
>"They disappeared."
"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
>"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
>"It's a blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
>"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
>"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
>"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
>"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
>"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
>"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
>"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
>"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
>"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
>"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
>"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
>"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
>"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
>"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
>"Because there's a power failure."
"A power............a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
>"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
>"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."