I don't think JRemote will see the J River uPNP server (DNLA, *I think*).
For JRemote to work, you need to enable the J River Media Server (Tools > Advanced Tools > Media server).
If you want the server to run on System startup, you need to enable this under Options > Startup
When the server is running, it runs, by default, on port 53000, and you need to enter the internal IP address, plus port number, of the server into JRemote settings on the ipad. For example, 192.168.0.10:53000
If that doesn't help you, you will need to post more details about your setup and the steps/settings you have taken so far.
If you are not using JRemote on your iPad, could you let us know which iPad app you are using by linking to the appropriate thread in the third party plugins forum.
-marko