This probably isn't what you want to hear, but this is what I do:
- my library is housed on a headless PC that I remote into when I need to do maintenance
- I create an MP3 copy of about 75% of the library in a folder on our NAS that is managed as a device so I can use MC to keep it updated
- my wife's iTunes gets its music files from the NAS, with iTunes being told not to copy/organize music folder/etc
Also, we both use JRemote extensively on our phones and tablets.
The whole setup works OK, I think it's about the best I can do with what we've got. iPhones are just a pain to sync music to; it may be time for me to switch, but I doubt my wife will any time soon.
I still use MC for Mac on my macbook, but mostly to tap into the new music that I load up on the main server so that I can listen, catalog, tag, etc. before it goes into our main library.
Hope that helps!